20 Billion Leagues Far Above The Sea

In the vast emptiness of space, there exists a pirate crew so cunning, so mischievous, so ruthless, vile, cruel, weird, idiotic and just plain absurd to ever have existed! Alas, it does exist. This 200 man crew aboard the gigantic space fortress, the "Not Normandy" was sailing through the silent infinite space, falcon punching every law of space physics in the balls and stabbing its face, armed to the teeth with everything it ever stole from enemy ships.

This was the story of a man named Jacques Mockingbird who commanded the Flying Fortress Not Normandy with the aid of his closest crew members that he called his Space Bitches.

~Story~

Jacques: Ah....! I love the smell of gun powder in the morning! ^ ^
Female crew member: Captain, gun powder's been outdated technology for centuries. Why do you want us to keep so many barrels of it?
Jacques: To get me going in the morning! ^ ^ *snorts a few trails of gun powder* Ah, I can't smell a damn thing now! ^ ^ So where's the new recruits we totally didn't force onto the ship?
Female crewmember: Actually sir, we really didn't force these new recruits to join us. They joined willingly. *looks to a door near them*

OOC: You guys just throw in whatever characters you feel like making for this story. the story itself will span multiple sci-fi galaxies and universes so one minute, we could be eatin' brunch with klingons, and the next minute we could be out rescuing Quarian babes from who knows where.

A Cybernetic warrior bursts through the door.
Mark MarkII:You the captain of this thing?

Jacques: Congratulations sir! but sorry, your captain's in another tower.
Female crew member: yes, this is captain Jacques Mockingbird. Captain, this is. *looks at a clipboard* Mark....MarkII? And are you picking your nose?!
Jacques: *totally picking his nose* .....

Mark:Yeah Mark Mark II. I got some upgrades.

A large Jiralhanae wearing golden armor and has a grenade launcher attached to his back and what appears to be two different handguns strapped to each of his hips walks into the room, and immediately noticing the captain picking his nose, snorts in disgust.
Brutus: Huh, and you call yourself the leader of this ship...

Jacques: Why yes, my good sir, I do very well say I do call myself captain of this ship.
Female crew member: You do need a first mate though sir. To replace the one qarian who died in that fire for you.
Jacques: I don't believe in polygamy or rebound girls.

Mark:What the hell are you?

<.<
Quarian...
>.>

Brutus: Whatever, when are we going to get to the killing? There's not nearly enough meat on the human next to me to satisfy my hunger.

Jacques: I'm captain Jacques Mockingbird.
Female crew member: not you, you idiot. And what do you mean polygamy? She was only your first mate! not your wife!
Jacques: I thought first mate meant I had to marry her.
Female crew member: *face palms* Oh my god...

Mark:Why did I have to sign up to work with a dense organic like him. I know I;m half organic but still.

Female crew member: His head's probably denser than most of the metal armor on this fortress. *giggles*

Brutus: Are you done being an idiot yet? Because I demand to know when we get to the killing of other ships.

Jacques: Killing other ships huh? Word's been spread that there's a merchant vessel somewhere around here.

Brutus: Then set a course, "captain". Because the sooner we get this done, the sooner I can eat.

Mark:*chuckles* Is there a place I can set up my recharging station around here?

Jacques: We already are. Ludicrous speed is still charging from the last time we used it.

Marcus:*to a female crew member* Why do you put up with that moron?

Brutus: I don't see why you're chuckling, human, considering I plan on eating their crew. *Grins*

Female crew member: Well.... he did save my father. Who was his second mate by crew wide unanimous vote. Sadly, he was killed by Covenant forces during a brush against a fleet of them once.

Mark:I'm sorry to hear that. Now is there a place where I can set up my recharge station/ bed?

Brutus: How much further must we wait? My belly aches for flesh ripped off of the bones of screaming people.

Jacques: Quite an exotic taste there my friend. Ever try caribou?

Brutus: I have not, human.

Mark:Damn it!!! I hate being ignored,

~Later, top deck~

Crew member: Captain! Enemy fleet has been spotted!
Jacques: Enemy fleet, eh? Fire the photon torpedoes!
Crew member: R-Roger!

Huge purple energy torpedoes shoot out from the fortress and destroy two ships at the front of the fleet.

Crew member: two enemies down! 48 known ships to go, captain!
Jacques: Good. Fire all long range weapons.