The Rowan Files

Michael: That's rather creepy, isn't it?

River: Rather mysterious, too. *gulps, and steps onto the bottom stair, and immediately holds her throat, choking and gasping for air* Ack! H-h-help!

Michael: Oh my gosh, River! *Rushes over to pull her away*

River: *snorts, and starts laughing* Ahahaha, got you good! You are way too gullible, little bro. *walks up another step* It's fine, see?

Michael: Don't scare me like that, you almost gave me a heart attack.

River: Heheheh. You always were easy to scare. *takes another step* Yeah, this isn't anything paranormal. Just stairs. *climbs up to the second to last step* Huh...this is...strange, but I'm getting sort of a weird feeling. Like I'm not supposed to be here, and that something could happen at any moment...*rubs her neck* And the hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end...

Michael: Then get down from there. I don't want you vanishing on something like this.

River: I'm not gonna vanish! But fine, I'm getting down. *descends the stars, then when she reaches the ground, she doubles over and vomits* urrrgh...what the-...*vomits again, and clenches her stomach* Owww...my stomach...

Michael: You alright, River? What did those stairs do to you?

River: I'm...fine...*stands up, holding onto Michael for stability* I think those stairs voided the contents of my stomach...
voice: What the hell are you guys doing?!

Michael: Who said that? Who's there?

(a park ranger comes down to them, with a grave and angry expression on his face)
ranger: You didn't just climb those stairs, did you?!
River: Uh...yeah, why?
ranger: Don't EVER climb those stairs again, you hear? Just pretend like they don't exist.

Michael: Where do these stairs go?

ranger: They don't go anywhere. It's just a staircase. People find them all over, sometimes near trails, sometimes out in the middle of nowhere. Just don't. Go. Near. Them.
River: Why?
ranger: You climbing the stairs made you sick. You're one of the lucky ones. Bad things happen when people climb those stairs...

Michael: What kind of bad things? What is up with these stairs?

ranger: Listen, all we know is they've been there ever since the parks have been open. Just don't go near them, okay? *walks back up the hill to the trail, and continues on down it*
River: ....huh.
Clair: You okay?
River: Yeah, I'll be fine.

Michael: You sure? You just started vomiting for no reason

River: I feel better now, trust me.
Clair: So what should we do about these stairs?

Michael: I honestly don't know what to do with this thing.

Clair: Can't we just burn 'em down or something?
River: During the dry season? No way.
Clair: Well then let's just put up some signs.
River: ...I think that'll attract too much attention, or people will just climb them anyway because they won't believe the signs. Hopefully, just the surrealness of the stairs is enough to deter people.

Michael: Do you really think that would work?

River: Hopefully. Now I really wanna get out of here...
Clair: I agree!

Michael: No arguments here, let's go.

Later, in the van
Clair: So you guys are really gonna travel around and search for paranormal stuff?
River: That's the idea.
Clair: Count me in!

Michael: Wait, you really want to go with us?